Bathroom Jokes:

Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget.

Did you hear about the constipated composer?
He couldn't finish the last movement.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune player?
He wanted to buy a bowel.

Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

If you're an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when
you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
Eur-o-pean.

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork
in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a
lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing
out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish."

And I said, "No shit."

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets
to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a
bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter, "Sir! Please
stop that immediately."

"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow. "Which way was it
headed?"

A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady.
A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big
noisy fart.

Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her. "Do
you by any chance have todays paper?"

The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next time we pass by a tree
I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were
running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the
other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell
asleep!"

The other woman turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!"

What's dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.

What's dumber than that?
Reading them.

Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly
the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and
says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm
sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard a noise, so he looked
inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy
said, "How long have you been down there in that awful hole?"

The Indian replied, "Many moons."

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back
there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to
the Chinaman, "Use more soap on panties."

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the
laundry. Finally the Chinaman responded with, "Use more paper on ass."

Pete walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy some
toilet paper."

She says, "What color?"

He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."